Lots of New

I haven't written in a few weeks. I've been busy. I've been busy with a lot of NEW.

New has always been scary to me. I like routine. I like knowing what is coming my way. I like knowing what my schedule is going to look like. I like knowing when and where I can do the things I need to do.

But my life - as of late - has been shaken up.

I have a new job. I'm still getting used to my new - and still changing body. I have a new boy. I start a new chapter in my schooling on Monday. All of these things in my life are great and welcome. Yet, now I need to stop and figure out how to juggle all of the new that is hitting me at once.

So far - I think I've done alright. I have taken these past four weeks to work out A LOT. I went in the mornings, leaving my house for the gym before my sister headed to work some mornings. I worked out in the evenings. I ate healthy. I slept a lot. I read theater theory, I memorized monologues and a certain Shakespeare sonnet which ate my lunch. I went on dates. But most important, I took care of myself. I didn't stress. I didn't freak out because my schedule wasn't set. I just let it happen.

And what I learned in just letting it all happen is that I can still make the good choices. I have lost 12 pounds this month. It's one of my biggest months since the beginning of this journey. And yet, I have been less structured than ever before. I trusted in my abilities to make good choices and still live my life. And I still succeeded.

I'm going to remember this in the coming weeks. Monday I embark on 12 hour class days and from what I've been warned - crazy amounts of homework. And I'm going to still try to juggle this great guy, my family and friends and prep work for my new job at my new school. And yet, I am more confident now than ever before that I can still be successful. I can do this.

I've made plans. I'm going to work out in the mornings and enjoy it. I'm going to bring my lunch and dinner everyday. I'm going to work during lunches and dinners when I can. I'm going to make this work. And in six weeks - when I return from Europe - I will be even lighter and even more healthy.

Life happens. And it's an absolutely beautiful life. It's time for me to really live it.

The Real Climb

Sorry these pictures are wayyyyy out of order. :) I don't seem to be intelligent enough to order them correctly. :)

Now what? Oh, yeah, I guess I have to go down now. :)

From the top! What a view...

The bottom looking up.

Me at the bottom, before I have started my trek!

The trail that would kick my arse!

So happy driving.

I went climbing today. I nearly stopped, several times. But I made it to the top. Here is the story.

While on my short little road trip across Texas, I visited my friend Cortney in Vernon, Texas. Mapquest told me that it would take me home through the DFW area. That wouldn’t have been bad but I wasn’t quite ready to end my get-away. I decided I still needed a day – one that would just be for me.

So I did my Priceline magic and got a room for the night in Fredericksburg. I knew I loved the Hill country and that it was good for my soul. So after my hotel room was in place, I started looking at things around the area. And it hit me – Enchanted Rock.

I knew Enchanted Rock was near Fredericksburg and Llano. And as many times as I have made the trip to Llano with my good friends, we had never made the trip to Enchanted Rock. So I made up my mind. I was going to climb that sucker. I mean besides – I’m in good shape, it should be easy. I was a little mislead about just exactly how good of shape I am in.

So I left Vernon about 8:30 Monday morning and headed down through West Texas towards the Hill Country. I had frozen my water bottles the night before and bought sunscreen and a hat for the climb. I knew it would be hot but I was ready for that.

Then I arrived. I had seen pictures of Enchanted Rock. I knew that Summit Trail was just over a half of a mile with a climb of 650 to 800 feet. Yet, I really had no idea just how high that is and just how much it would hurt as I pushed my still 300 plus body up that granite hill.

I started off with a good pace. It was a slight climb. It was uneven and rocky but I felt that I had my footing pretty well in place. This is so like when I started losing weight. It was somewhat easy in the beginning. I still had the energy and the excitement of starting a new journey. My feelings in the beginning stages of the climb reminded me of those first couple weeks where I was losing large numbers easy week and was still really excited about the exercise and everything that came with it.

Then it got harder. The rock steps gave way to just smooth granite steep hills. I stood there today and wondered what I had gotten myself into. My body still felt ok – although it was taking longer for me to catch my breathe. I pride myself that I can recover after a crazy spinning song really fast. Well, a few hundred feet up – your body just doesn’t recover quite as well. Or so I learned.

But I took my time. I would pick a point and climb to it. This is what I have been doing for so long. I’ve been setting these little goals and busting my rear to get to them. I would have to keep reminding myself to look behind me – to see just what I had accomplished. I don’t do this enough in this journey. I get frustrated with the road ahead of me and if I would stop to look back a bit more I think some of that frustration would ease.

As I got higher and higher, it got steeper and harder for me. I watched people pass me barely out of breathe. It bothered me. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I have worked so hard to NOT be that girl. And yet, there I was – 8 months later – 80 pounds lighter – in great shape – and hurting and struggling for breathe as I climbed the giant.

I sat down to respond to a text message that I had received. It was from my best friend. I told him I wanted to quit even though I was near the top of the mountain. I told him I was hurting. And I told him that I was tired of quitting when it got too hard.

I knew he would write me back and encourage me. But I actually didn’t need it. All I needed to see was that I DON’T want to quit in writing. I don’t want to be that girl who gives up so easy. So I stood and keep climbing. I got to the edge of the top plateau. It’s huge for those of you who haven’t been to Enchanted Rock. I didn’t walk the entire top. I just stood there. I caught my breathe (for a long time), took some pictures and took it all in.

I had no idea when I decided to visit Enchanted Rock that it would become such a monumental thing for me. I had no idea it would be so hard. I had no idea that those old habits of wanting to quit when it gets too hard would come racing back to me. But then did. And I dealt with it.

Despite my recent set back, maybe – just maybe – I have come a lot further than I thought. Maybe I do have what it takes inside of me. I still have lots of mountains to climb. But now I know – that at my own pace, with my willpower – I can make it to the top.

Yep, I can climb any mountain. Let the games begin.

My New Normal

Tomorrow I have my monthly weigh-in and measurement session with my trainer. And for the first time since I started this journey back in September, I am scared. I don't think it was a good month.

I've been thinking all day about how I got off track. I guess what is strange to me is how easily it happened. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't leaped face first off a building into a large peanut butter cup Blizzard. But I have gotten complacent.

I have still been working out but maybe not quite as hard. I think I am in a rut. I go through the motions but I don't always have the desire and will to be there. Last week, I was complaining through a certain - rather painful - set of ab exercises. A just laughed - as he loves to torture me - and told me that with my willpower, I can get through it. That has been the case all along. That was the case the first time I got on a spin bike - with the plan to make it through 30 minutes of class and then crawl away to lick my wounds (or ice my sore regions) - and made it through the hour. But somehow - somewhere - in the midst of the end of the school year, the stress with the uncertainty of where I will call my school home next year and everything else, I seem to have misplaced that willpower.

And probably even more damaging that my lack of zest at the gym has been my eating. Again, I haven't gone crazy. I haven't picked back up my habit of buying a family size bag of Reece's peanut butter cups and eating the whole bag - in one evening. I haven't had any ice cream (my nemesis). But I have been having that extra handful of Goldfish. Or maybe that second serving of dinner with I didn't need it. I let those bad habits of stress eating creep back in. It's not a good thing. It's not something I wanted to ever see happen. But it did so I have to learn from it and keep moving along.

But maybe its a good life lesson. Life is going to happen always. I am always going to reach stressful points in my life. I am going to hit highs and lows. All of that is normal. What has to become my new normal is how I deal with it. I have to find that way to deal with it and not let it ruin my success or knock me off track. This journey I am on isn't a quick trip. I'm not going to reach these goals overnight. So in the meantime, I have to continue to work on me. I have to continue to tweak this new normal. There is no one or no situation that I can blame for getting off track. This is me - and only me. And me- and only me - can get myself back on track.

So tomorrow when I get back on the scale with A, I will hold my breathe and hope for the best. I will hope the inches show some success where maybe the scale fails me. But more important than what the data is going to show me tomorrow is that it will be a fresh start. I will walk out of the gym tomorrow morning with a new resolve to get back on track.

I will take that resolve on my week trip around the state. I went through tonight and made a plan of workouts around the state for this quick road trip. I am going to workout with former students in Waco and no doubt I'll workout with one of my biggest supporters who I am visiting in West Texas. I am going to make this work.

This is my new normal. The quicker I accept it, the happier I am going to be.