Some Random - Yet, Really Cool - Things

A Size 20

In an effort to afford school work today, I went shopping with mom. I wanted one pair of jeans and one pair of shorts that fit me correctly before I leave for Europe later this week. Mom needed new travel clothes as well.

So off we went. And went I got to the store, I started pulling size 22's off the shelf. I was a 24 mostly last time I bought jeans and as my 24s are huge now, I knew that I needed to go down. I took my clothes into the dressing room and tried things on. Most of my 22s fit great. This was exciting enough. THEN I tried on my jeans. The 22s were big. And I mean BIG. So I decided to try the 20. I had no illusion that they would actually fit. I mean last time I lost weight all those years ago, I never got to a 20. I figured I would be leaving without jeans as I was just in between sizes.

Then I tried on the 20s. And then fit like a glove. And I couldn't believe it. I look at my mom with a complete shock. She wasn't surprised as she is my number one cheerleader always and forever. But the 20s fit. In another 20 or so pounds, I will hopefully move out of the 20s. I haven't bought jeans or pants outside of the 20s in more years than I care to remember. It opens up my doors. I see the results of my success everyday but I still don't know how to accept it sometimes. And sometimes I just have to smile and let it sink in. The 20s fit.

Crossing My Legs

So I've always thought that women that could cross their legs were sexy. I always noticed how effortlessly thin people could cross their legs and sit comfortably for hours that way. It has never been me.

And over the past few weeks, I've realized that it is me. Now don't get me wrong, I can't cross them for hours effortlessly, but I can cross them for a reasonable amount of time. It doesn't hurt, its not uncomfortable. And I find that I do it subconsciously now.

I'll be damned if I'm not going to be one of those girls who can cross her legs. And I have to say, my calf muscles look pretty good when one leg is thrown over the over. Thanks, A for all those calf exercises that I despise.

The Seat belt - Again

Driving home today, I realized that I won't need a seat belt extender when I get on the plane to travel to the UK on Friday. At Spring Break I didn't need it - barely. But on Friday, when I sit into the seat, I am going to fit comfortable and buckle my seat belt with no sweating, grunting or struggling.

What a great way to start my trip.

So Close, Once Again

Seven years ago I had a lot of success losing weight. I lost almost 100 pounds. I never hit that 100 pound mark. I was close - so very close - and yet I didn't let myself reach that point.

So here I am again - so close. I've currently lost 93 pounds total and I'm seven pounds away. Yet, this time is different. I will hit it this time. I can see myself well beyond this goal. I can see myself in a size 10. I can see myself in a small wedding dress someday. I can see myself running triathlons and running the MS 150.

Hitting the 100 pound goal is a huge accomplishment. But it is not THE accomplishment. It's just a milestone. I'll celebrate and I'll go to the gym the next day. It's just part of the journey - not the end. Yes, some days its frustrating to think I've come this far and still have so far to go. But at the end of the day, its just how it is. Focusing on the frustratations of the unchangeable circumstances aren't going to make it any different.

So I choose to celebrate and continue. And eventually, I will celebrate losing another 100 pounds. And eventually, I will fit into those smaller clothes and be in the shape of my life.

And at the end of the day - I can't say that I would have it any other way.

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

So today, I hit a new point with A, and more importantly with myself.

This week was my first week of this crazy four week graduate program. I've been in class for 12 hours a day, eaten lunch while studying, worked out each morning at 7 a.m. (leaving my house at 6 a.m. to go work out) and had scheduled my weekly workout session with my trainer for this morning.

Today also happened to be my monthly weigh-in. I weighed in and had lost 10 pounds for the month. THIS is a good month. There is nothing anywhere that can convince me that it wasn't. The not so good came from the fact that I didn't lose inches. Everything was stagnant. And while I love losing pounds, I even more enjoy watching the inches go down each month.

A was a little worried. He talked about maybe I need to eat less, etc. And I stopped him. It hit me - for the first time since I started this journey - I have to put my life ahead of my weight loss.

I've paid a great deal to be a part of this graduate program. It means a lot to me. I'm enjoying every single moment of it and I'm proud to be a part of it. And while I am still going to get up two hours earlier than I have to so that I can make it to the campus gym and while I am still going to pack my healthy lunch and snacks, I am going to focus on school for a month. And that is OK. It simply has to to be.

I feel like I have been practicing for this for almost a year. I have been learning how to juggle busy schedules with a healthy lifestyle. I have learned how to cope with stress and learned how to make good decisions. I've learned all of these things about me with the knowledge that eventually I was going to have to use these skills. And here I am. The rubber is officially meeting the road and I have to make it work.

I'm still passionate about losing weight. I'm still far from my goal and I still thank God everyday for the success I have had and all of the amazing things it has brought into my life. But for the first time - it can't be in the forefront of my thoughts. With my 12 hour school days, followed by my two hours of studying each night, I have to sleep sometime. And I have to eat high protein foods so that my brain will still absorb into at 8 p.m. at night when I got up at 5:45 that morning. I have to do these things.

It's only a month. My goal for this month is to lose weight. My goal is to stay on track - without having to put every ounce of energy I have into it. I've been preparing for this test just as I've studying for quizzes this week and writing papers. Now, I am going to be tested. And I will succeed.

I have no choice.