Where the Rubber Meets the Road

So today, I hit a new point with A, and more importantly with myself.

This week was my first week of this crazy four week graduate program. I've been in class for 12 hours a day, eaten lunch while studying, worked out each morning at 7 a.m. (leaving my house at 6 a.m. to go work out) and had scheduled my weekly workout session with my trainer for this morning.

Today also happened to be my monthly weigh-in. I weighed in and had lost 10 pounds for the month. THIS is a good month. There is nothing anywhere that can convince me that it wasn't. The not so good came from the fact that I didn't lose inches. Everything was stagnant. And while I love losing pounds, I even more enjoy watching the inches go down each month.

A was a little worried. He talked about maybe I need to eat less, etc. And I stopped him. It hit me - for the first time since I started this journey - I have to put my life ahead of my weight loss.

I've paid a great deal to be a part of this graduate program. It means a lot to me. I'm enjoying every single moment of it and I'm proud to be a part of it. And while I am still going to get up two hours earlier than I have to so that I can make it to the campus gym and while I am still going to pack my healthy lunch and snacks, I am going to focus on school for a month. And that is OK. It simply has to to be.

I feel like I have been practicing for this for almost a year. I have been learning how to juggle busy schedules with a healthy lifestyle. I have learned how to cope with stress and learned how to make good decisions. I've learned all of these things about me with the knowledge that eventually I was going to have to use these skills. And here I am. The rubber is officially meeting the road and I have to make it work.

I'm still passionate about losing weight. I'm still far from my goal and I still thank God everyday for the success I have had and all of the amazing things it has brought into my life. But for the first time - it can't be in the forefront of my thoughts. With my 12 hour school days, followed by my two hours of studying each night, I have to sleep sometime. And I have to eat high protein foods so that my brain will still absorb into at 8 p.m. at night when I got up at 5:45 that morning. I have to do these things.

It's only a month. My goal for this month is to lose weight. My goal is to stay on track - without having to put every ounce of energy I have into it. I've been preparing for this test just as I've studying for quizzes this week and writing papers. Now, I am going to be tested. And I will succeed.

I have no choice.