Tears of a Different Emotion

Each week I watch the Biggest Loser and I watch the contestants break down and cry. My mom and I have often talked about why they cry so much. We always decide that it’s the sheet exhaustion that must come with working out six to eight hours a week.
Well, yesterday, I realized that those emotions come from lots of different places.
I knew this week had been a good weight loss week. Before stepping on the scale, I was one pound away from 70 but I knew that there was a good chance I would crack 75. Everything was almost easy last week. I ate really healthy – and actually enjoyed my food. And I felt like I had really broken through a wall in my workouts. I knew that I was going to be happy once I got on the scale.
So when I got home from the gym, I changed my shoes and immediately went to weigh. I couldn’t believe the scale. I had lost 6 pounds. I hadn’t lost six pounds since I started this journey back in September. But on top of the large weight loss, I had hit a pretty large goal for me. I had hit 75 pounds GONE.
I can’t even tell you the emotions that surged through me. I happily told my sister and went to hit my Facebook to tell all my amazing friends and family. I then needed to run to the little store to get something for my sister, who was cooking. I got into the car, started it and started crying.
Yet, it was sadness. In fact, there was no sadness anywhere in my being. I was relieved. I was overjoyed. I was happy.
And that feeling hasn’t gone away. I’m still so overjoyed with my success and this milestone that I feel like I could cry. But they are happy tears – most welcome tears.
I have never felt this good – physically or emotionally. Everyone knows that this journey is a physical one. To be successful, you have to kick your own rear (or pay people to kick your rear) at the gym. I’ve done that. But I think the part that has been missing is that I have never been so emotionally healthy.
I have an amazing family who loves me and supports me every step of the way. My parents doing this with me has forever changed my life – and I hope theirs as well. My sister has gotten even more specific and careful about what she cooks to make sure its healthy- for us. My brothers and Khrista are so supportive and loving as is the rest of the family. My friends on Facebook have been an immeasurable support system to me. I feel so unworthy of their love and support but I take it and use it each week. I post my daily doings so that I know I will do it – even those two or three hour gym days.
I am so humbled by the support I get online and I don’t think I will ever be worthy of it. I just hope that by sharing my journey that I am helping other people along the way as well. My gym has become my family as well – with my friends and aerobic instructors who push me and support me and just notice when I’m not there. This amazing web of people has built a support system that has healed me emotionally. They have let me grieve and let me celebrate. I am ok now. I am proud of who I am. I am proud of how I look. I am proud of who I am becoming. I am proud of how strong I am. I’ve never been able to say that I am truly proud of what I’ve accomplished but right now, I am.
I’ve lost weight before but I’ve never felt this good. I simply think the time was right for me this time. I think THIS is my time.