When you want to believe in something, you also have to believe in everything that is necessary for believing in it. - Ugo Betti

If there is no struggle, there is no progress. - Frederick Douglass

Tonight as I started to prepare to write this blog, I went to my favorite quote site and put struggle into the search engine. A lot of quotes came up - about not giving up, about respecting the struggle, etc. But two quotes of the many stuck out to me. They are above.

So first, let's talk about the Douglass quote. How amazingly true this is. Nothing comes easy - or fast for that matter. I often get frustrated as I want things to happen quickly. I want to wake up tomorrow and be thin and at goal weight. But the truth of the matter is that I didn't get here overnight. I didn't gain this weight quickly and I am not going to lose it quickly.

And more importantly, if I did lose it quickly, would I appreciate the journey? If weight loss, like anything else, was easy - would we work to keep the weight off? I know personally, the journey, the struggles, are what make me appreciate where I have been and how far I have come. If this was easy, it would be easy to forget about all of the progress and go back to my own ways.

But those struggles, those hard times, are what brings us to appreciate the progress. I have gotten knocked down so many times during this progress. I have fallen - and even jumped off - the wagon. I have gotten lazy in my workouts and maybe eaten more chocolate that I should have. But regardless, I continue to come back to the straight and narrow - or at least the more straight and more narrow. I can look at pictures and look in the mirror and see the progress. And when I do that, I am thankful for the struggles as I know I am doing something right. And because I have made it through those struggles - because I have fought the good fight - I have more pride in what I am doing. And because of those struggles, I know in my heart that I can get back on track despite anything that gets thrown in my way.

And then the Betti quote - wow. This one simply struck me. It made me question myself. First, do I believe that I can achieve my goal. Do I believe that I can get down to 160 pounds and be happy and content in my new skin? And if I answer that question yes, do I believe in everything it is going to take me to get there?

I think the most important thing I need to get there and probably the most important question - is do I truly believe in myself? Most days, I would say yes. And then there are those few days where I simply don't know. And on those days, I have to get better at asking those around me to lift me up and help me to find that inner strength. I have gotten this far - and yet, I still struggle.

The last time I blogged, I was at my lowest point in this journey. I have been working hard to come back from that lost place. I've made some progress. But I am not there. But this weekend, I made some decisions.

The most important decision is about my workouts. The past two weeks I've worked to get my eating back under control but I didn't make it to the gym. I've found it so hard to make myself go to the gym after leaving work on late nights. So my workouts are moving. I'm moving them to the mornings.

This is not the most convenient option for me but its going to be what I have to do. Starting tomorrow, I am going to leave my house at 5 a.m. to make it to spin. I will do this three mornings a week. Tuesday and Thursday mornings, I will walk in the neighborhood. I'm not thrilled about crazy early mornings but I have to do something. And this is an option. And if for some reason I don't get up and workout in the morning, I will have to MAKE myself go in the evenings. It's just simply what I have to do. So here goes nothing.

It's been a few days past a year since I started this journey - and I've lost 90 pounds in the year. I've made great strides but I am not there yet. And I want to get there. I want to believe in myself as a thin woman at goal weight. So believing in what it takes to get there, starts now.