A few of my favorite recipes....

So as you all know, I'm addicted to cooking. Completely, ridiculously, addicting to cooking. I spend the spare minutes at school thinking about what I am cooking for dinner that night. I find myself in the grocery store more than ever before. I LIVE for the every other Wednesday when I get my veggie co-op (oh, yes... Bok Choy is in the next order!). And as such, I posted pictures of my food online quite a bit. So here are a few of my favorite recipes. I've stolen from lots of places. I've changed some to make them mine.

So make them your own.

Enjoy!

Our Debate Evening appetizers included-- (and yes, I created my own goofy names)

"All-American" Asparagus

bundle of asparagus
bacon

I took three stalks of asparagus and wrapped them tightly with two slices of bacon. I then grilled them on the George Foreman for about 12 minutes, spraying the foreman with spray olive oil!

Stars and Stripes Stuffed Mushrooms

1 lb of whole mushrooms
1/2 cup chopped onions
4 cloves crushed garlic
spinich (I used 4 cups of fresh baby spinich, cut into strips -- recipe calls for frozen)
4 ounces cream cheese (I used fat free)
salt and pepper
1 1/2 worcestershire sauce
parmesan cheese

1. Clean the mushrooms and pull the stalks out of the mushrooms.
2. chop the stalks and onions and saute them with spray olive oil (or butter as the recipe calls for) in a frying pan.
3. When they get soft, add garlic and then spinich.
4. Saute it all together until the mixture is well-mixed and cooked.
5. Add the cream cheese and mix as it melts.
6. Add salt and pepper and worchesthire sauce.
7. Stuff the mixture into the clean mushrooms. Top with grated parmesan cheese.
8. Bake for about 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

Cranky Old Men Crabby Bites

1 can of crab, drained
1 scallion, finely minced
1/2 pound bacon

1. Flake the crab. Mix the scallion with the crab.
2. Cut the bacon strips into two shorter strips.
3. Spoon a spoonful of the crab mixure to the end of each bacon strip and wrap the bacon around the crab.
4. Secure the wraps with a toothpick.
5. Broil for 10 minutes turning them over 1-2 times.

Note: I added a tablespoon of feta cheese to have of the mixture. They were really good as well.

Dipping "Duck Sauce"

1 bag of frozen peaches (1 pound)
1/2 cup water
2 tablespoons cider vinegar
2 tablespoons of Splenda
salt
1 teaspoon soy sauce
1 clove garlic

Mix all in a sauce pan. Bring to a boil and them simmer for 30 minutes until fruit is soft. Then transfer to a blender and mix the sauce until smoother.

Now to a few of my favorites....

Baked Parsnips

parsnips
salt
pepper

1. peel parsnips and cut french fry style.
2. Put in oven baking dish and spray with spray olive oil. Bake for 45 minutes to an hour until soft.
3. Once soft, take out and sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste.
4. Eat warm-- heavenly!!

Stuffed Peppers

4 colored bell peppers
1 pound of lean turkey or ground beef
1 packet of taco seasoning
1/2 cup of low-fat or fat free ricotta cheese
3-4 tablespoons of tomato sauce

1. Cut off the top of the bell peppers and clean out the seeds.
2. Brown the meat. Once cooked, add the taco seasoning and tomato sauce until the meat is covered.
3. Once the seasoning is mixed throughout, add the ricotta and mix into the mixture.
4. Once the mixture is warm and ricotta is melted, fill each pepper.
5. Top with a bit of grated parmeasan cheese.
6. Bake for 30-40 minutes.

Spinich Mushroom Tortilla Cups

low-fat, low-fat wheat tortillas
sliced mushrooms
cut onion
fresh baby spinich
mozerella cheese

1. Prepare a muffin tin. Spray tins that will be used with cooking spray. Then place a tortilla in each muffin spot.
2. Saute the mushrooms and onions with a bit of olive oil.
3. Once the mushrooms and onions are soft, add to a bowl of fresh baby spinich. Mix.
4. Add about 1/2 of mozerella. (I used low-fat). Mix.
5. Spoon the mixture into each tortilla.
6. Put a bit of cheese on the top of each tortilla cup.
7. Bake until tortillas are warm and cheese is melted.

Cauliflower Pizza Crust

one head of caulflower
1 egg
1 cup of cheese of your choice
pizza seasoning
oregano

1. Grate caulflower to grind in a food processor.
2. Put in a microwavable dish and microwave for 8 minutes.
3. After you microwave it, add one egg and mix throughly.
4. Add cheese and mix throughly.
5. Add spices to your liking.
6. Spread out on a baking sheet which has been sprayed with cooking spray.
7. Bake 12-15 minutes until firm and browning.
8. Take out and cover with your favorite toppings.
9. Put back in the over to melt cheese, etc.

I hope yall enjoy! Some of these aren't real exact because that's kind of how I cook! Just experiement and see what you can do!

What I've learned....

So here I am. I've lost nearly 75 pounds, which is about a third of the way I need to go to get to my goal weight. And this time feels different. Of course, the previous times I've lost weight, I've felt good. I enjoyed the exercise benefits and the smaller clothes sizes. But those changes were temporary that time. I look back and I don't know if I really learned the lessons I needed to learn to finish the goal - and sustain it once I got there. I want to think this time is different. So here are a few things that I've learned.

1) Exercise is important - but its not an all or nothing equation.
         In the past, I worked out 5-7 times a week. I would take it very hard if something got into the way of my daily workouts. In my warped sense, if I missed any workouts - at the gym - I simply failed my goals that day. But lets face it - that is unrealistic and NOT something we can live as a lifestyle change. There are going to be booster club meetings and debate tournaments. There are goign to be family social gatherings and birhtday parties. And those things are part of living my life. So yes, exercise is important and I love the benefits, but I'm not a failure if I don't go 5 times a week. Everytime I exercise is a success and is helping me towards my goal. I still play about 4 workouts a week. And when the stars align and my kids get picked up on time, etc, I go to the gym and do Zumba or aqua aerobics or the treadmill or Bodypump or whatever is happening that day. But sometimes, that doesn't happen. And when it doesn't, I come home and walk in my neighborhood for 30 minutes with the dogs. It still burns calories. I don't have to drive to do it. And my dogs are happy. And it clears my head. And its still a success. Exercise isn't an all or nothing thing. One time is better than nothing. A thirty minute walk around the neighborhood is a success. It's not about marking the boxes off my calendar that garners the success. It's about moving my body and seeing the results.

2) Food is my friend - not my enemy.
           As my Facebook feed shows, I'm a little obessed with cooking right now. My sister told me the other day that "this time my food doesn't suck." At first, I was a little offended but she has a point. I don't cook "diet" food this time. I just cook good food that happens to fit into a healthier eating lifestyle. I have found spices. And I love them. And I've gotten into the habit of cooking. I went grocery shopping last weekend and while putting up groceries when I got home, I realized how much my habits have changed. I had very few things to put into the pantry. Most of what I bought - my weekend groceries - went into the fridge and freezer. It was eye-opening. I wasn't putting processed foods into my pantry. And while in the grocery store, I dind't even notice it. I'm so in a good routine now in the grocery store. I spend a lot of time in the deli and in the produce section. I do shop the outer aisles of the store. I have a new personal game I play where I try to buy one fruit or veggie each week that the cashier will have to ask me what it is. The weeks I can stump them with two are great weeks! I've also enjoyed diving into the world of low-carb cooking and figuring out ways to use my favorite ingredients in a new way. It's an adventure. And its an adventure that I am enjoying the heck out of. I mean really - who would have ever imagined I would be making pizza crust from cauliflower!

3) Planning really is the key.
         I know I've known this a long time. But planning takes time. But with my lifestyle - and probably all of your lifestyles - I am never going to be successful with weight loss without heavy duty planning. Baggies are my friend. I cook a lot ahead and I pre-package in baggies that go into my top drawer in the fridge. I plan meals and I try to take stuff out of the freezer before I leave. I joined a veggie co-op which delivers veggies every other week. I take my lunch each day. On Friday's and Saturday's, I pack my big lunch kit. I pack lunch and dinner. I pack snacks. I pack tea bags and sweet-n-low. I prepare for the long tournament weekend. And I eat out of my lunch kit. If the tournament has veggies in the hosptaility room, I'll eat veggies. But other than that, I eat from my lunch kit. It's working. And I'm not going to lie, there is a certain sense of accomplishment when I actually stay away from the sweets. My life is crazy busy. But I want my life to be long. And so while its busy now, I have to keep planning so that it can be busy for years to come.

These are incredibly simple life lessons. But they are making the huge difference for me right now.

Learning to Listen

                There are so many things that go into weight loss. So many lessons to learn and so much growing and changing during the process. I’ve been fighting through it. I’m not going to lie and say its been easy. I’ve had my moments of anger, I’ve had my moments of pure frustration, I’ve had my breakdowns and I’ve had my moments of being completely proud. It’s all part of the process – part of the growing and part of the change.

                One of the most important lessons I’m learning is how to listen to my body. This is hard for me. I’ve never been really good at listening to my body. I push it physically, emotionally, mentally and I’ve treated it like crap. I’ve fed it crap for all these years. I’ve pushed myself again and again when I should have rested. I’ve eaten too much, drank too much or not eaten enough. My biggest sin is that I simply haven’t been good at listening to it.

                I realized today that this is changing. There are a lot of lessons that I’ve learned during this phase of the HCG diet. Maybe its because of the drastic measures of it that I’m finally looking and listening to what is going on. I’ve gotten in touch with what my body is telling me. The medicine that I take each morning helps me feel fuller much quicker. So in response, I’m eating a lot less. It’s weird to eat so much less than I was used to but to feel satisified and full.

                Example, I was walking through a Chicago mall today and saw a place with a great salad bar. It was lunch time so I went in and got a salad with all allowed veggies and grilled turkey. I didn’t get a big salad, just a normal sized – or so I thought. Well, halfway through the salad, I realized I was full. So I walked away from it. It was liberating. It was exciting. It was a great feeling to walk away feeling like I have accomplished something by simply listening to my body.

                In addition, after walking around and walking the mile or so back to the hotel, I came up to my room. I wanted to go to a museum. I wanted to go to Navy Pier. I wanted to do something. But my body disagreed. My body needed rest. And maybe my mind did too. So I laid down and napped. I slept harder than I have in a long long time. I listened to my body. I don’t ever do this during the school year. I push and push and push. It’s time that I stop pushing so hard. It’s time that I give in and let it be.

                I’ve learned one more lesson this week that my friend David shared with me. The first night we were here, my class went to eat deep dish Chicago-style pizza after our show. I knew that I couldn’t make that trip. I’ve gotten pretty good at eating healthy with the group and being fine with it but as pizza is my favorite food, I knew that I couldn’t do that. So I came up to my room. And I was upset. I wanted to be with my classmates. I had a little (or an ugly) pity party and went to bed.

                So the next morning I was talking to David and told him about my breakdown. He told me his story about changing his mindset and it struck me. He told me about changing his mindset about going out with friends being about the food to simply just being about spending time with your friends. There is something telling about that. I’m going to work on it. It will make it easier.

                I still have a whole lot of learning to do in this process. I have about ten days left of this stage of the diet. I’m still learning and growing each day.  And I’m feeling stronger and stronger each day.  And I am finally – at 33 years old – learning to listen.

Just mad.

            So tonight I am going to be a bit dramatic. Tonight I am mad.

            I am mad at my body. I am mad that I let myself gain the weight back I lost two years ago. I am mad that I don’t have a metabolism that allows me to eat whatever I want. I am mad that my body is sore from carrying around my body weight. I’m mad that I can’t eat chips and have a Dr. Pepper. I’m just mad.

            There is nothing that in particular that has set me off tonight. I had a great dinner (added some hot salsa on top of some chicken as it went with my general mood) and I haven’t gotten off track but that doesn’t mean I am not frustrated. I have a great supportive family (especially my sister who is dealing with this on the front lines) and I have incredibly supportive friends who are cheering me along. I don't begrudge any of of those blessings.

            But I am grieving that I have to make changes. It’s so much easier to just be free. It’s easier to pick up dinner on the way home. I really want a glass of wine.

            But I know rationally that that “easier” got me where I am today. And I know that I don’t want to go back there. I want to be comfortable in my skin. I want to fit in the seats of Broadway theaters comfortably. I don’t want to ever worry on an airplane again that someone will refuse to sit next to me. I want to be healthy. I have a horrible family history and I don’t want to make it any easier for diabetes or high blood pressure to take hold. I guess I’m mad that I have to make these hard decisions period.

            I think that it’s ok for me to be mad. I’ll go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow and I won’t be mad anymore. It's not in my nature to be mad. I do not begrudge the blessings in my life and I'll remember them very clearly in the morning.

But that is tomorrow.

And for now, I'll just be mad.

Finally Finding My Breaking Point

            I have always struggled with my weight. I have tried a lot of diets over the years and have had some success on different levels with different programs. Yet, I have never believed that my weight has kept me from living life.

            I have never let my weight keep me from anything. I really do feel like I have lived my life fully. I have worked to build a career that I am proud of. I have loved and had my heart broken. I have traveled and seen so much of the world. (But not nearly enough). I have never stayed home because I am overweight.

            And I guess at a certain level, I have always known that I would reach my limits. I have always known that eventually my size would get in the way of something I wanted to achieve.

            This has happened recently in an avalanche of moments. The first moment came when a man refused to sit next to me on an airplane on the way to New York City. And the rest of that trip continued to show me that it was time. I love New York theater and yet most of the seats that I sat in during that trip were really tight. I had a hard time keeping up in some of the walking tours. I realized that it was time – this time for real. I had let myself go and regained a lot of the weight that I lost three years ago but its time.

            Which is were the HCG and daily injections came in. Back in March, I visited my doctor for my yearly exam. There was a sign in his lobby about the HCG diet. So I went home and studied it. I then came up with a long list of questions and scheduled an appointment to ask him all my questions.

            And at that appointment, I decided I would take the leap. But yet, I still didn’t. I kept telling myself I would wait for the right now. Then school travel got in the way, then my debate schedule got in the way, then everything snowballed.

            Until New York City happened. And while I may be a hard-headed gal, I can take a sign. And I listened.

            So on Saturday morning, I started this new journey. I will inject myself with the HCG hormone each morning for forty days. And starting tomorrow – which is also the first morning of my last summer of grad school – I will eat a strict 500 calorie diet.

            I just spent the past hour measuring out and weighing out food for the week. I have about 40 something baggies that I can pick and choose from when packing my lunch in the morning. I will start going to the gym before class each morning to walk on the treadmill before class – the only exercise I can do for the next 40 days.

            While the HCG diet promises huge results, I am realistic. It’s not a cure-all. It’s a plan. It’s a start of a journey that my doctor says will take two years to get me to goal weight.

            But its worth it. I have been saying I have to find the balance for awhile and its time. I love my job and love what I do, but I really do have to reclaim a little time for me. I never want to not be able to sit into a chair in a theater. I never want to be uncomfortable why flying. My weight is effecting my life now and its time for me to change that.

            So here goes nothing.

Lost and Found?

I have a confession. Well, I have lots of confessions but I have a huge one. It’s been months and months since I have written. Mainly because of my big confession.

I have not been paying attention to my weight-loss efforts at all for months. I’d like to lie and say that I have been trying and focusing on things but the truth is – I haven’t been. I have let my own personal health be the least of the things I focus on for months and months now.

I am lost. I go to work each day. I work my butt off – each day and usually each weekend. I made a promise to myself at the beginning of the year that I was going to focus on me again. But yet, its been so much easier to not do so.

So here is the truth – I am miserable. I have gained a lot of my weight back. Not quite all of it – but most of it. And that is incredible embarrassing. It’s saddening. And more importantly – because its an emotion I can feed off of – it really makes me mad.

How did I get here? How did I throw away all of that success and hard work? How did I forget how hard I worked to get there? I’m so lost as to how it all happened.

But I’m smart enough to know that something has to give. I live too active of a life to live this way. I don’t want to dread going upstairs because I will be out of breathe. I hate putting on clothes and cringing because they are just too tight now. I worked too damn hard to get the weight off. And I forgot about that.

More importantly, I have forgotten how great I feel when I am working out. I think I was a much happier person. I know that I loved the way my body felt in a much smaller size. I want that back. I want the feeling I get after a killer workout.

I’ve been feeling this for weeks. Yet, I have been avoiding going back to the gym. Yes, I have a ton of excuses as to why I haven’t gone back but the simple truth is that I am scared to go back. I know that I have to start over. I know that my success is gone. I know that the first spin class I attempt is going to kick my ass. And its scary.

But I have also reached my breaking point. I have to change something. This body is not the body I am supposed to have. I can have all the excuses that I want to have but the truth is that none of them matter. I can lose weight and keep weight off AND still go to tournaments each weekend. I’ve seen friends do it.

I just have to want it. I have to get myself unlost. I have to find the drive that I had two years ago. Yes, it was easy two years ago when I was in a job that allowed me to spend hours each day working out. Yes, it was easy when I lived at home and was going through it with my mom and Dad. But I have to find my own ease now. If I really don’t want to live my life like this, I have to find the answer to find the ease in this lifestyle.

I don’t want to go back to a job I don’t care about. I love this life. But I love MY life more. And the path I am is going to shorten that life.

So its time to really make a change – again. I’m going back to the gym. Yes, I’m exhausted when I leave work each day but I have to make it happen. It’s time to get back on my bike again. It’s time to give up my Dr. Pepper again. It’s time to watch my diet again. It’s time to take control of my life again.

And so I am going to share my journey again. And I’m going to ask for your help. I’m going to ask for your strength until I can find my again. I’m going to ask for your push when I ask for it. I need a support system because this is a tough journey. But I’ve had success on this journey before. And I really do want to FIND myself again.

Hello, This is your wake-up call...

I know I haven't written in awhile and there are a lot of reasons for that. I could tell you its been so busy at work. I could tell you that its because I haven't had anything to say. I could tell you a lot of things. But the truth is - I haven't been real on track. Since I started this job last August, I have somewhat lost my way with my weight loss. Now, I haven't jumped off the wagon and gained all my weight back. In fact, I have kept most everything off. In the cast of full disclosure, I have put about ten back on. But I just lost my motivation. I got caught up in my busy schedule and my busy life. I got caught up in debate tournaments each weekend and musical rehearsals each afternoon. I got caught up in dating and life. I struggled. I couldn't find my motivation. I was wired and caught up in a new life at a new school that I loved. I love my life completely but I lost me a bit. And then the call call - the metaphorical call that is. I broke my foot. I know this sounds strange as how in the world could an injury possibly be the plateau buster that I was looking for - but it has been. I went from being completely independent and being able to do Zuma and cycle whenever I wanted to someone who could barely walk (with a walker) and who had to crawl up the stairs each night to go to bed. Not to mention - had to come down the stairs each morning on my butt. Showers became a challenge because standing on one leg gets tiring really fast. Doing anything at home meant using my walker to hop along. Even getting to the car to go to school each morning would elicit a sweat. And somewhere early on - I decided this is NOT what I wanted to be like. Yes, I am having a hard time getting around because I gracefully broke a metatarsal on my right foot - but I'm really having a hard time getting around because I am still carrying a lot of extra weight on my body. Yes, I have come a long way. But the simple truth is that I am still carrying around an extra 100 pounds. And that makes hoping with all my weight on my arms tough. I have also had another revelation. As much as a I moan and whine about working out from time to time --- or a lot -- this fall, I do love it. I love that it's an easy way to relieve stress. I love that it gives me an outlet. And I've realized that I desperately miss it. I miss being able to get my bike, strap on my helmet and just go. I miss the feeling of my legs pumping as I leave miles behind me on country roads. I'm counting down the days until I can be back on my Greta (my bike). I can't wait to until I can go back to Zumba. I signed up for a 27-mile bike ride for diabetes which is on my birthday in September. It gives me something to look forward to. I had to let go of my triathlon as it falls only two weeks after I should get completely released from my ortho. So I needed another goal - another something to look forward to. I've also been checking out aerobics schedules for the new gym opening really close to my house Saturday. I can't wait to get back in there and start earning my sweat again. Before this happened, I was completely lost. I had gotten off track and had gotten comfortable. I had forgotten why I started the entire journey in the first place. Well, sometimes God has to pull out the big signs to get us back on track. And this time - I read the billboard.